"What do you want?"

No one had asked my client that before. He was stuck playing peacekeeper when he should have been leading.

Here's why that question unlocked everything – and what it means for senior leaders trying to navigate competing demands.

Every leadership expert tells you something different about who you're supposed to be. Be vulnerable but confident. Listen but direct. The contradiction is exhausting. What if the real work isn't performing leadership - it's practising it?

"Thank you. I just needed to be listened to."

A reminder that sometimes the most powerful thing a leader can do is put the toolkit down.

I'll be honest. I had a wobble over Christmas. You know the kind - the one that creeps in when you're supposed to be relaxing, when you've got time to look at the spreadsheet and notice next quarter looks thin. All the old demons started kicking in. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's all the work I'm going to get. Wobble after wobble after wobble. So I did what I'd tell any client to do: I changed my perspective. Literally. I grabbed my gravel bike and headed out into the forests around Kielder Water. That ride reminded me what I needed to know: perspective shifts don't come from sitting with the spreadsheet. They come from stepping away and remembering what you know to be true.

"What use am I?"

That hit home. I hear you, and I am you.

My client had just said that out loud in a coaching session. We were exploring purpose – that most fundamental of topics that comes up time and time again in my leadership work. Specifically, we were unpicking the tensions between what we want to be doing and what we feel we must.

It was a powerful moment for him. Led us into an impactful discussion about what makes us happy, how we define ourselves, and the pressures we put on ourselves.

What landed differently for me was how close this conversation was to home.

Because I was there. Not that long ago. Sitting at my desk thinking the exact same thing. Have I hit my level of incompetence? I can't go on like this, but I don't know what the alternative is. People rely on me. I can't let them down.

If you're carrying that question right now, here's what I learned about finding purpose when you're stuck...