Sometimes They Just Need You to Listen
"Thank you. I just needed to be listened to."
This week, I was working with a coaching client who arrived full of frustration. After a very forward-looking last session, this time he was triggered. Questioning everything. The kind of energy that fills a room before anyone's said a word.
He wasn't clear on what he was looking for from our session. And all our training tells us - make sure you get the client to articulate a defined outcome. Know where you're heading before you set
off. It's coaching 101.
But today, that's not what he needed. He needed a safe space to be heard.
When the Rulebook Doesn't Fit
It wasn't about colluding with his frustration or being soft on him. But it was about providing the right balance of support and challenge - and today the support needed dialling up. He was doing enough challenge on himself already. He didn't need me adding to it.
As coaches, we need to work on what's going to support our clients to move forward - not follow a process for the sake of it. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is put the toolkit down.
This isn't a comfortable realisation. We want frameworks. We want structure. We want to know we're doing it "right." But the person in front of you doesn't care about your methodology. They care about whether you're truly with them in that moment.
What This Means for Leaders
Here's the thing - this isn't just true in coaching. If you're in a leadership role, there's something important here for you too.
Sometimes your team are not looking for answers. They're not looking for suggestions. They may not even be asking for direction.
They're looking for something else entirely.
They want to know that you see them. That you're not already formulating your response while they're still talking. That you're not going to jump straight to problem-solving mode because that's what leaders are "supposed" to do.
What they need from you is empathy, active listening, and the space to work out what's going on for themselves.
The Skill That Changes Everything
On my leadership programmes, we spend a lot of time practising coaching skills. Not because I'm trying to convert leaders into coaches - that's not the goal. But because the better you become at these things, the better you'll get at helping your team to perform.
I work through ten core skills with leaders. But if I had to pick one that matters most right now? It's this:
Be fully present.
That means being genuinely focused on the person in front of you. Not distracted. Not mentally preparing your next point. Not glancing at your phone or thinking about the meeting after this one.
Just there. Fully. With them.
It sounds simple. It's surprisingly hard to do consistently. And it's noticeable when someone does it well - and when they don't.
The Ten Skills Worth Practising
If you're curious about what else makes for an effective coaching conversation - whether that's a formal one-to-one or ten minutes at the photocopier - here are the ten skills I come back to again and again:
Agree the point of the conversation
Get clear on the outcome
Understand what's happening right now
Go beyond the first answer
Share the airtime well
Challenge appropriately
Ask questions that make people think
Be fully present
Adapt to the person
Finish with clear next steps
Each one has a reflection question underneath it - a way of checking in with yourself after a conversation to see how you did. Because this isn't about being perfect. It's about getting a little bit better each time.
What My Client Actually Needed
Back to that session this week.
What my client needed from me was just for me to truly be there. To sit alongside him. To help him work out for himself what was most important - without me rushing to fix it or move him forward before he was ready.
By the end, he had his own clarity. Not because I gave him answers, but because I gave him space.
And those seven words - "I just needed to be listened to" - reminded me why this work matters.
Over to You
If you're a senior leader carrying the weight of your role right now, here's a question worth sitting with:
When was the last time someone sat alongside you - not looking for answers, but helping you find your own?
If it's been a while, that might be worth paying attention to.
