Being a leader, or doing leadership?

When Leadership Advice Contradicts Itself

You've probably seen some version of it scrolling through LinkedIn this week: "Stop performing leadership. Just start leading."

It sounds good, doesn't it? Empowering. Clear. The kind of advice that makes you want to nod along and think "yes, that's exactly what I need to do."

But here's the uncomfortable truth: nobody actually agrees on what that means.

The Impossible Bind

Listen deeply - but set clear direction.

Be vulnerable - but project confidence.

Show empathy - but maintain authority.

Admit what you don't know - but never look uncertain.

If you're a Director or VP right now, you're navigating a world where every leadership book, every well-meaning mentor, every LinkedIn post (yes, including mine) tells you something different about who you're supposed to be.

And because you're good at your job - because you've earned that senior role through years of delivering results under pressure - you're trying to be all of it. All the time. For everyone.

The team looks to you for clarity when things get messy. Your peers expect you to have the answers in the room. Your boss assumes you've got it handled. So you show up. You perform. You deliver.

But the performance is exhausting.

When Your Story Isn't Enough

Think about that strategy session you ran last week. Or last month. Or whenever it was that you needed to get your team aligned on something important.

You probably prepared thoroughly. You shared your vision. You told your story about why this work matters. You connected it to your values, your experience, your understanding of what's at stake. You showed them how invested you are.

And it probably went well. People nodded. They asked good questions. They seemed engaged.

But afterwards, when you closed your laptop or walked back to your office, did you have that nagging feeling? The sense that something didn't quite land the way you'd hoped?

They are aligned now, aren't they?

Probably not.

Here's what I'm coming to understand, both in my own work and in the conversations I'm having with senior leaders: telling your story isn't the same as hearing theirs.

What I'm Learning as a Coach

I've spent the last year building Taggart People, and I've been doing what I'm told works. Be vulnerable. Connect authentically. Create rapport. Share your story.

And I can do that. I can talk about my journey from 25 years in corporate HR to independent consulting. I can share what I've learned about leadership transitions, about imposter syndrome, about building something from scratch whilst questioning whether you know what you're doing.

I can do that all day long.

But here's what matters most: whether I'm actually listening to your story.

Not just nodding along whilst planning what I'm going to say next. Not just waiting for a gap in the conversation to insert my own experience. But genuinely hearing what you're carrying, what you're questioning, what you need.

That's harder than it sounds. Because the default - especially when you've built expertise over decades - is to share what you know. To demonstrate your credibility. To prove you understand by relating it back to your own experience.

But that's not what creates the space for real thinking to happen.

The Same Challenge You're Facing

This is exactly the challenge you're navigating as a leader.

Yes, your team needs to know who you are. What you stand for. Where you're headed. Vulnerability and authenticity aren't optional - they're what build trust in the first place.

But if all you're doing is sharing your vision and fears without genuinely hearing what your people need? You're performing authenticity, not practising it.

And your team can tell the difference.

They can tell when you're going through the motions of "authentic leadership" because that's what the books say to do. They can sense when you're ticking the box of "showing vulnerability" without actually creating space for theirs.

They probably won't call you out on it. They'll nod in the meeting. They'll say the right things. They'll seem aligned.

But then they'll go back to their desks and carry on doing what they were going to do anyway.

Not because they don't respect you. Not because your vision isn't compelling. But because they didn't feel heard.

What Directors and VPs Actually Need

Almost all the Directors and VPs I work with have mastered the art of showing up for others.

They're brilliant at it. They can facilitate strategy sessions, navigate complex stakeholder politics, deliver difficult messages with empathy, hold space for their teams whilst everything's uncertain.

They know how to perform leadership. They've been doing it for years.

What they're craving now is someone who'll create space for them.

Not another framework for "authentic leadership." Not another model to implement. Not another set of contradictory instructions about who they're supposed to be.

Just an actual conversation where they don't have to have all the answers.

Where they can say "I don't know if this role is still right for me" without it being a performance evaluation risk.

Where they can admit "I'm exhausted from always being the one everyone comes to" without seeming weak.

Where they can question "What if the way I've always led isn't working anymore?" without losing credibility.

That's the space I'm trying to create in my coaching work. Not because I have all the answers - I absolutely don't. But because I've learned that the most powerful thing I can do is stop talking and start listening.

The Duality That Makes This Work

Here's the interesting bit: this works both ways.

As a coach, I need to create space for my clients to think out loud, to question, to not know. That's where the real work happens.

And as a leader, you need to create that same space for your people.

Not instead of sharing your vision and values and direction. But alongside it.

The contradiction that all those LinkedIn posts get wrong is this: you don't have to choose between being vulnerable and being strong. Between listening and setting direction. Between admitting uncertainty and projecting confidence.

You need both.

But most of us - and I'm including myself here - default to one side. We're either all about "here's my vision and story" or we're all about "tell me what you need."

The real skill is holding both. Sharing who you are AND creating space for others to do the same.

That's what practising authenticity actually looks like. Not performing it. Practising it.

What This Means for You Right Now

If you're reading this and recognising yourself - if you're carrying the weight of contradictory expectations, wondering whether anyone's actually listening to you, exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone - that's exactly why this work matters.

You don't need another person telling you their story of transformation or sharing their framework for authentic leadership.

You need someone who'll ask: what do you actually need right now?

And then listen to the answer.

Not because they're going to fix it for you. Not because they have the perfect solution. But because sometimes the most valuable thing is having someone bear witness to the complexity you're carrying.

That's what coaching is, at its core. Not me having all the answers. Me creating the space for you to find yours.

The Invitation

I work with Directors and VPs who are navigating transitions, carrying significant weight, and questioning what great leadership actually looks like in their specific context.

Not generic leadership. Your leadership.

If you're ready for a conversation where you don't have to perform, where you can think out loud without having it all figured out, where someone will actually listen rather than just waiting to share their own story - let's talk.

Because you've spent years showing up for others. You deserve someone who'll show up for you.