What does it really mean to lead others?
🧭 Set the strategic direction?
👩🏾✈️ Lead from the front?
📈 Drive performance?
There are so many aspects to that one question. I could (and do) run multi-day leadership programmes just on this. But what I keep coming back to is trust, confidence, and safety.
I just had the best conversation on this with a former colleague from my Accenture days. Aside from discovering we’ve both gone cycling mad since, we bonded over some strikingly similar experiences. We’ve both worked for leaders who’ve left a long-term mark - and not in a good way. As she put it:
“He just made me question everything I thought I’d learned over the last 20 years.”
Most often, leaders don’t even realise they’re doing it. They think they’re making tough calls, giving “honest feedback,” or even worse, “protecting” us. What they can’t always see is the impact inside - how psychological safety can be ripped away in a moment.
My own experience?
Take this photo. It’s me, day three of a four-day bike-packing trip - somewhere in South Yorkshire, between my home in Bedford and my childhood home in Stockton-on-Tees. I’m smiling, doing something I love, “heading home”. But inside? I’m carrying dread, self-doubt, and a deep sense of unfairness, all triggered by weeks of uncertainty.
I was in my dream role - HR Vice-President for all things talent, leadership, and learning. Three years in, working with a dynamic new CPO. All signs were good: we’d clicked, I was delivering, I felt like a key part of the team.
Then came the conversation:
“I’m bringing someone else in. Above you. They’re amazing - you’ll learn so much from them. But we want to keep you. We’ll find a role for you.”
Boom. The ground shifted.
What had I done wrong? Why did they need someone else? Am I not good enough?
I know many of you will have felt this. The higher up you are, the harder the fall. You can be brilliant at your job, lead an incredible team, deliver amazing work… but sometimes, businesses move things around. And that’s fine - that’s business.
It’s how we show up as leaders in those moments that really counts.
Another leader once told me:
“You’ve got all the skills, but we work as a team here, so I need to be involved in everything before you speak to people in the business.”
Intent? Possibly to show unity.
Impact? “I don’t trust you. I need to control you. You don’t fit in.”
That relationship almost broke me.
Look at the photo again. People are good at masking - it’s how we protect ourselves.
But what might be behind that smile?
Where am I now?
These days, I work for myself - and I get to choose who I work with. I’m still in the middle of that metaphorical road, like I was in Yorkshire, but now I’m the one choosing which direction to go.
People are mostly good. Most mean well.
But my goodness - leaders have a lot to learn about the impact they have.
If this resonates, and you want to talk - whether you’re looking for a consultant to help you build more human leadership development programmes, or a coach to help you navigate your own difficult moment - get in touch.
