When "I've Tried Everything" Really Means You're Stuck

Saturday morning. Six miles into our long run with the club. The pace was steady, the conversation flowing easily - until one of the runners shared something that I often hear.

"I may not bother with a marathon this year," she said. "I can't get under 4:00 hours, whatever I do. I've tried everything. I'm stuck."

I nodded, made a mental note, and we kept running. But her words stayed with me.

Not because they were unusual - I hear variations of this all the time in my running coaching. But because just two days earlier, I'd heard almost exactly the same thing from someone in a completely different context.

Thursday afternoon. I was on a coaching call with a Director navigating a career transition. Smart, accomplished, respected in their field. And deeply frustrated.

"I keep being passed over for promotion. It's just not fair. I've tried everything. I'm stuck."

I've tried everything. I'm stuck.

Word for word.

The Pattern Behind Being Stuck

Whether I'm coaching runners chasing personal bests or senior leaders navigating career crossroads, I hear these three lines again and again:

• I keep missing my goals

• I've tried everything

• I'm stuck

The contexts are different. The challenges are different. But the feeling? Identical.

Here's what I've learned though: when someone says "I've tried everything," they don't literally mean everything. What they usually mean is "I've tried everything I can see from where I'm standing."

And that's where being stuck really lives - not in lack of effort, but in lack of perspective.

Think about it. My runner had tried different training plans, adjusted her pace work, focused on her nutrition. She'd put in the miles, done the work, shown up consistently. But she was still hitting the same wall at 4:05, 4:10, never quite breaking through.

The Director? They'd taken on stretch assignments, networked strategically, sought feedback from their manager. Ticked all the boxes. Done everything the career development articles told them to do. And still... nothing.

Both were working incredibly hard. Both were doing "all the right things." And both were stuck in exactly the same place they'd been six months ago.

What Gets Missed When You're Stuck

Here's the thing about being stuck: it's rarely about working harder. It's about seeing differently.

When you're deep in the frustration of trying and failing, trying and failing, you develop blind spots. You double down on what you know. You repeat the same approaches with slightly different variations. You convince yourself that the answer must be just around the corner if you just push a bit harder.

But sometimes the answer isn't around the corner. It's in a completely different direction you haven't looked yet.

My runner was so focused on pace and mileage that she hadn't considered her running form might be the issue. Or that her recovery wasn't adequate. Or that the mental game of marathon running - the bit that happens between miles 20 and 26 - was where her race was actually being lost.

The Director was so focused on proving their competence that they hadn't noticed how they were showing up in meetings. Or that their communication style wasn't landing with senior stakeholders the way they thought it was. Or that the promotion they were chasing might not actually be the thing they wanted anyway.

These aren't failures. They're just gaps in perspective that happen when you're too close to see clearly.

The Questions That Create Space

So when someone tells me they're stuck, my job isn't to hand them a new training plan or a five-point career development framework. My job is to work with them to figure out what's actually happening. And what needs to change.

The answers are never the same - everyone's different - but the framework that helps them get unstuck is surprisingly consistent.

We explore questions like:

• What's really going on here?

• What are you not paying attention to?

• What have others noticed that you haven't?

• What do you believe about this situation? And is that actually true?

• What could be different if you questioned that belief?

None of these questions on their own are magic bullets. I'm not claiming some revolutionary coaching technique here. But together, they create foundations for a new plan. One that addresses what's actually keeping them stuck, not just what they think is keeping them stuck.

The Belief That Keeps You Stuck

That last question - about beliefs - is often where the breakthrough happens.

Because being stuck isn't usually about the external circumstances. It's about what you believe about those circumstances.

My runner believed that breaking 4:00 hours was about training volume. More miles, harder efforts, stricter discipline. That belief kept her stuck in a pattern of overtraining and under-recovering. When we questioned it, a different approach emerged - one that included less running, more strength work, and proper rest. She ran 3:54 six months later.

The Director believed that promotion was about proving competence. More deliverables, higher visibility, flawless execution. That belief kept them stuck in a pattern of overworking and under-connecting. When we questioned it, they realised they'd been so busy proving themselves that they'd forgotten to build relationships with the people making promotion decisions. They got promoted four months later.

Different contexts. Different beliefs. But the same pattern: the thing they believed would get them unstuck was actually part of what kept them stuck.

High Support, High Challenge

I never got into running or leadership coaching to tell people what to do. There's no simple blueprint that works for everyone. No seven-step framework that guarantees results.

What I love about coaching - whether it's helping someone achieve a marathon goal or navigate a career transition - is creating space for people to fulfil their own potential.

That means high support: I'm here, I'm listening, I'm walking alongside you through the uncertainty.

And high challenge: I'm going to ask you the questions you haven't asked yourself. I'm going to point out the patterns you can't see. I'm going to question the beliefs you've been holding as absolute truth.

Because that's where unsticking happens. Not in being told what to do, but in seeing what you couldn't see before.

Where Are You Stuck?

As we slip into 2026, I'm curious: where are you stuck?

Not the surface-level stuff. The deeper thing. The place where you keep trying and trying and nothing seems to shift.

And here's the harder question: what do you believe about that situation? Is that actually true? Or is it just the story you can see from where you're standing?

Sometimes all it takes is a different perspective. A question you haven't asked. A belief you haven't questioned.

Sometimes you just need someone to walk alongside you whilst you figure it out.

If any of this resonates and you want to explore what's keeping you stuck, I'm here. Drop me a message. Let's talk.