The Leadership Myth That's Slowly Crushing Us All

A recent conversation with a client reminded me of something I see everywhere: the overwhelming weight of having to appear confident when you're anything but.

"I feel like I'm performing all the time," they said. "Everyone expects me to have the answers, but half the time I'm figuring it out as I go."

But here’s the thing – everyone is doing the same thing! 

The Confidence Trap

There’s a collective myth that good leaders are always confident. That competence means having all the answers, making strong decisions without hesitation, and projecting unwavering certainty to everyone around you.

It's bollocks, frankly.

And it's causing problems for leaders, their teams, and their organisations in ways that ripple far beyond the personal. 

What This Myth Does to You

When you're constantly “performing confidence”, you're not leading – you're acting. And your people can tell.

I've watched talented leaders exhaust themselves trying to maintain this facade. They stop asking questions because they think it makes them look weak. They make decisions in isolation rather than tapping into their team's collective intelligence. They create distance when what they really need is connection. They become a bottleneck.

The leaders I most respected in my corporate days were the ones who admitted uncertainty, asked for help, and invited others into the problem-solving process. They weren't weak – they were wise enough to know that their job wasn't to have all the answers, but to help find them.

What It Does to Your Team

That parent-child dynamic you've inadvertently created? It makes everyone smaller.

When you perpetuate the myth that you should have all the answers, your team stops bringing theirs. Why hire brilliant, driven people if all you need is compliance? You're not just wasting their potential – you're actively discouraging it.

And they know when you're bluffing. That surface-level communication, the slight hesitation when you're protecting gaps in your knowledge – it creates distance precisely when you need connection. 

What Great Organisations Actually Need

The organisations thriving in complexity aren't the ones with the most confident leaders. They're the ones with the most curious leaders.

Leaders who breed ownership rather than dependence. Who develop collaboration instead of silos. Who create problem-solvers who can adapt and respond rather than wait for instructions.

Because here's what I've learned: sustainable performance doesn't come from one person having all the answers. It comes from creating environments where the best answers emerge from collective intelligence. 

The Confidence People Actually Want to See

I'm not suggesting you become indecisive or abdicate responsibility. There's a difference between admitting uncertainty and appearing incompetent.

What people really want to see is confidence in them. Confidence that you'll work it out together. Confidence that you don't need your ego wrapped in cotton wool to be effective.

The kind of leader who can say "I don't know – what do you think?" isn't weak. They're strong enough to prioritise finding the right answer over being right themselves.

A Question for You 

What would change if you gave yourself permission to be curious instead of certain? If you trusted your team's intelligence as much as you trust your own?

The leaders I work with who've made this shift don't just perform better – they sleep better too. They've stopped performing leadership and started practising it.

And isn't that someone you'd actually want to follow?