When "Feedback is a Gift" Feels More Like a Fart in a Box
You know that moment when someone pulls you aside with those dreaded words: "Just some feedback for you..."
And then proceeds to leave you more confused than clarified. It's like receiving a beautifully wrapped present that turns out to contain... well, nothing particularly useful.
Here's what I've learned after years of giving and receiving feedback at senior levels: feedback is not always a gift – sometimes it's more like that jumper your relative knits you every Christmas. Well-intentioned, but you're not entirely sure what to do with it.
The Reality Check
We've all been there. You're leading through complexity, making tough calls, and someone delivers "feedback" that feels more like a criticism wrapped in corporate speak. "You need to be more strategic." "Your communication could be clearer." "You tend to overcomplicate things."
Right. Thanks for that. I'll just pop that into my "vague advice that sounds important but tells me absolutely nothing" folder, shall I?
What Actually Helps
What is a gift is other perspectives, shared growth, and genuine insight. But spotting the difference between helpful feedback and well-meaning noise? That's a skill worth developing.
Here's what I watch for when feedback lands on my desk (or in those awkward corridor conversations):
Vagueness is a red flag. "Your work needs improvement" tells you nothing. It's like saying "do better stuff." Cheers, that's cleared that up then. Good feedback points to specific behaviours or actions, not personality traits or general impressions.
Personal attacks disguised as candour. "You're not strategic enough" is a judgement, not feedback. Look for observations about what you did or didn't do, not assessments of your fundamental worth as a human being.
Missing the "what next" bit. Useful feedback includes suggestions or at least opens a conversation about alternatives. "Be more impactful" without any indication of what that looks like? It's like telling someone to "be more purple" – technically words, but not particularly helpful.
Sweeping generalisations. "You always..." or "You never..." – really? Always? I always miss deadlines? Even my morning coffee before the train? These absolutes usually say more about the speaker's recent frustration than your actual patterns.
The comparison trap. "You need to be more like Farah from Finance..." Right, because what every senior leader needs, is to become a completely different person. That's definitely sustainable.
When It Happens to You
Because it will happen to you (it happens to all of us – I once had someone tell me I needed to "be more visible" in the break, whilst I was literally running the group induction programme), here's what I've found works:
Listen actively, even when it stings. Sometimes the feedback is clumsy rather than wrong. What nugget of truth might be buried in there?
Take a beat before responding. When feedback hits hard, that pause can be the difference between a productive conversation and a defensive spiral.
Ask for specifics. "Can you give me an example?" or "What would good look like?" If they can't provide either, you've learned something important about the quality of their observation. (And possibly about how much coffee they've had that day.)
Thank them anyway. Not because all feedback deserves gratitude, but because most people aren't trying to be unhelpful. They're just not particularly good at being helpful either.
Getting What You Actually Need
If you're navigating senior leadership, you can't afford to wait for feedback to happen to you. You need to be intentional about seeking the perspectives that will actually serve your growth.
Be specific about what you want. "How did that presentation land?" is infinitely more useful than "Any feedback?"
Ask in the moment when possible. Real-time observations are usually more accurate than retrospective generalisations.
Create space for honesty. If people don't feel safe giving you difficult feedback, you'll only hear what they think you want to hear.
The Bigger Question
Here's what I'm curious about: What happens when we stop treating all feedback as sacred and start evaluating it for what it actually offers?
Maybe we get better at seeking the insights we actually need. Maybe we become more discerning about which voices deserve our attention. And maybe – just maybe – we get better at giving feedback ourselves.
What's been your experience? When has feedback genuinely served your growth, and when has it felt more like receiving a beautifully wrapped box of... well, let's just say "disappointment"?
If you're navigating the complexities of senior leadership and could use a thought partner who gets both the pressure and the potential at your level, I'd love to hear from you.
