Small Moments Before Christmas
Last week I shared my new tattoo. I love it. It's this really clean, crisp image of a bike rider climbing up the side of Mont Ventoux. Nice bit of colour, really strong black lines. A permanent reminder of one of my favourite climbs on one of my favourite pastimes.
The problem is the tattoo celebrating my favourite pastime is the thing that's currently stopping me doing my favourite pastime.
As anybody who's had a tattoo knows, you have to keep it clean, don't get it too wet, and make sure nothing rubs on it for a good ten days to two weeks afterwards. Like MAMIL lycra, for instance. So I'm still in the "having-to-stop-doing-any-cycling" phase, which is frankly driving me a bit mad.
I know it's only been a week but I can already feel a lovely mince pie layer gathering around my midriff and I'm itching to get out, even if it is cold, wet and windy at the moment. There's something about being told you can't do the thing you love that makes you want to do it even more, isn't there?
The Gap Between Want and Should
It got me thinking about this last frantic weekend before Christmas. Not in a profound way, just in that gentle, reflective way that happens when you're slightly frustrated and watching the world carry on without you.
What are you spending your time doing this weekend? More importantly, is it what you actually want to be doing?
Maybe you want to be out walking on the hills but you really have to finish your Christmas present wrapping. Or you want to put the finishing touches to that watercolour you've been working on but you have to go out and find everybody a Terry's Chocolate Orange because somebody mentioned in a WhatsApp group that they all needed one. Or you want to be spending time in the big smoke with family and friends, but there's a rail replacement bus and it'll take you nine hours to get there so you're stuck at home on your own instead.
Life's full of these little moments, isn't it? The gap between what we want to be doing and what we find ourselves doing instead. Sometimes it's because of circumstances (like healing tattoos or rail replacement buses). Sometimes it's because of obligations we've taken on. Sometimes it's because we've said yes when we meant no, or because we're trying to keep everyone else happy.
Finding Happiness in the Constraints
Here's what I've been reminding myself this week. Not every constraint is a bad thing. Not every "should" is wrong. And not every moment that isn't exactly what we planned is wasted.
I wanted to be out cycling this week. I haven't been. But I've also had time to sit and think, to plan for next year, to notice the light changing as we head towards the shortest day. To remember that rest isn't always a choice we make voluntarily but sometimes something that gets forced upon us, and maybe that's okay.
Whatever it is that might be getting in the way of what you want to do this weekend, I hope you can find some happiness in small moments. The unexpected conversation. The quiet cup of tea. The thing you didn't plan but turned out to be exactly what you needed.
Part of me thinks I might try and go out on a ride on Sunday. But if I don't, that's fine. I've got drinks with friends this evening and a date with my lovely wife, Claudia Winkleman and Tess Daly tomorrow night. And a big bottle of wine.
Let's face it, life could be worse.
Whatever you're doing this weekend, I hope some of it is what you want to be doing. And if it's not, I hope you find the good bits anyway.
